So the day has arrived, and I must say that Darren has remained calm over the past week. I guess we both know that, these days, the anaesthetics are very safe and you get given anti-sickness drugs and pain relief whilst you are asleep, so by the time you wake up you feel fine and can even feel like eating. I remember in the “olden days” (when I was a child lol) having my teeth out under gas. That horrible rubber mask over my mouth and nose and me fighting to get it off until I was overcome by the fumes. I remember waking up after having 4 teeth removed (I didn’t have enough room in my mouth for all my teeth) and feeling awful! I was basically carried across the road to the park to get some fresh air. My parents were firm believers that fresh air was the cure for everything. It didn’t make me feel better that time!
So this past week I haven’t slept very well. It’s always assumed that I’m the family member with the health problems (since my Mum passed from kidney disease/heart attack). I’m not used to seeing Darren having many health problems, whereas I was quite poorly for 6 years and had numerous stays in hospital. I hid my kidney disease well most of the time though.
I feel very sad. I mean, he saved my life by donating his kidney so surely that should give him a health pass for life? I also feel guilty that he is having an anaesthetic with only one kidney. It’s not actually relevent to the operation itself but it does mean that some drugs, like anti inflammatory medication the Doctors may otherwise use, are no longer an option for him and really no pain-killer apart from Paracetamol type drugs. There’s nothing wrong with Paracetamol (I’ve been allowed only those for years) it’s just that sometimes you need something a little stronger. He isn’t allowed now he has donated.
Darren has just gone down for surgery. He will have his operation and then be cared for in the recovery room for a while. I will see him in 2 or more hours time. I’m allowed to remain in his room and wait. It’s a lovely room and has a shower room/toilet so that’s great for me as I drink 3 litres of water a day! Darren is covered by private medical care. Under our local NHS hospital I wouldn’t be allowed to use a patients restroom so would need to go to a different floor if I needed it. As I work from home it would be difficult to keep packing up my laptop so I’m really grateful right now for this room! Not that this is about my comfort! It’s not a slur on the NHS in any way either, I might not be alive today if it wasn’t for them. For today though I am grateful for being in this hospital. We feel spoilt for the comforts of this room.
I have been using the internet to look up the percentage of testicular cancer being benign and the odds are really in his favour so that makes me feel a lot less nervous. We won’t have the results of that for a week or so but are both expecting the best result from this. The surgeons had their meeting yesterday and no one had ever seen this before so we are no further to finding out what it is without testing it in any case. One suggestion was a crush injury causing the tumour but I really think that would bring tears to the eyes and he would have noticed that?!
So I sit here waiting (and working) and if I get very agitated I might even take my knitting out to take my mind off things! There’s nothing like fresh woolly stitches on a knitting needle to give you comfort!
I’m trying hard not to think of all the things that could go wrong during the operation. There’s no room in my life for such thoughts (or so I keep telling myself). I’m not feeling alone. We’ve had so many messages of support and even FaceTime from my Daughter and youngest Granddaughter (little un doesn’t know what the operation is for but wanted to say good luck). I know my family/friends are just a phone call away but for now I just need to be calm and alone.
Having Aspergers means that emotions can be overwhelming. I tend to suppress them unless I am very stressed. Even then I just tend to hide away and cope on my own, so for now, I’m happy in this closed room with my own headspace and sit and wait for Darren to return. He won’t be long……just a few hours of worry that’s all!……….it’s actually getting dark outside already so it feels kind of comforting if that makes any sense?
I have snacks and my 2 litre water bottle to keep me going.
to be continued………